Let's face it. If you relate to either of the above, you are invested! This is the relationship you are in. Accept it! And, if this is the relationship you're in, then you have got to decide right here, right now, to get 100% invested in changing some things if you want to keep your man—but capture a even better relationship. 

How do you keep the relationship moving forward? How do you keep it fresh, get your needs met, deepen your connection with your partner? Is he there for you when you are sick or your business has a setback or when maybe you just need to vent? 

This kind of thing isn't necessary or expected when you are just looking for fun, but when you are in a real relationship (or want to be), I think you would agree, these things are not only important—they are crucial! 

When you are in contact with a man day after day and see him nearly every day, problems come up. $H!T happens! And, if you deal with those things the same way you have in the past, you will get the same result you've gotten before. Eventually the relationship just gets too damaged. It might not even be about the problem anymore, but the lack of, or misguided, communication. 

For example, let's say the sex has gotten stale or less frequent. It's usually not even about the sex...it's a signal that the communication isn't working. It has more to do with the anger you feel or resentment you hold—even if you don't know you're holding it. 

What if I told you that it's not about him at all? What if I told you that he did nothing wrong? What if I told you that you did nothing wrong either? What if I told you there was no one to blame? 

AND...what if I told you that what is keeping you from the love you want—what's blocking you from deep and lasting love & happiness—is your own colossal fear of intimacy. 

Repeat after me, "My fear of intimacy is what is keeping his fear of intimacy alive. " The parts of me that I do not want to see and the pieces of me that I do not want to feel…the parts of me that I hate or do not love are exactly why I drew him to me."

And before you roll your eyes and tell me I have gone off the rails, take an objective look at your man. If you look at him and really see him, you will see that he has the same things in him that you dare not to admit are in you. Perhaps, just perhaps you drew him to you so that you could love those parts of yourself "out there", in the form of him, so you wouldn't have to face and deal with them "in here"….inside you or as a part of you.

This isn't a new concept or a particularly obscure concept. But it's a deep one and one that doesn't get a lot of play in the relationship coaching world. Why? Because it is so darned hard to face and accept and so many coaches do not even understand it enough themselves to want to chance it. And now I am going to give you another little tidbit. You also pulled him in, not only so you could "love yourself….out there," but so you could hate yourself in the same fashion. So now you have this love/hate relationship with him and the same with yourself and it can't feel good. I've been there. I understand the sleepless nights and the sick feeling in my stomach as I pushed my food around on my plate as we sat silently through dinner so many times.

Here are the two of you in this relationship that you have set up for the express purpose to make sure nobody goes deeper, nobody opens up and everybody stays unhappily ever after.

But now you are finding that exactly what drew you into the relationship is exactly what is keeping it from being the one you want…the one where he looks at him and sees himself for who he really is and you look at you and do the same ….and then see what you can build on….together. No blame, no resentment.

There's something else that I know. Because you are reading this, either because you know a bit about my work or because you got curious and are reading for the first time, you are one of the brave ones. It is no accident that you are here. Congratulate yourself right now for taking the first step to a better love and a better life. And, right this second, before reading one word further…. I want you to wrap your arms squarely around yourself and give yourself the biggest hug from me. I know where you are and what you must be feeling. You can now exhale. You are in the right place. You can turn the ship around. If I could do it, you can….I know it. And, you won't have to go through the trial and error that I did.

SO right now, I am going to give you the first tip free: 

This is where you have got to fight. Everywhere you go there are so many reasons, so many things that happen in day to day life, to keep that from happening. But you have to fight to let go of all the anger, all the being right, all the resentment and blame and KNOW that he loves you no matter what…and I can help you. The journey isn't easy or for the faint of heart, but the rewards are bigger and better than you could ever imagine.