Dear Katelyn,

I have been circular dating like you suggest and I am finding that the guys I am attracted to trigger all kinds of uncomfortable emotion and feelings in me and I get all stressed out. The guys who I am not attracted to don’t do that.

That's not a happy way to live, living a life of triggers. Is that what I have to look forward to? I want to be with someone that I feel peaceful and happy when I'm with them and when I'm not with them. I would love to find a way where the attractive ones don't trigger me! And I will practice as you suggest finding something attractive about the ones that I don't find attractive. It all seems like a lot of work and so confusing.
Can you help?

Love,

Mari

I am so glad you asked that question! Here’s the thing about dating and triggers...As I have said before, part of the dating process is about the concept of using it as free therapy.

You are on a date with a man you find VERY attractive. It might go something like this inside your head:

“His eyes are just the right color and they sparkle when he smiles. His hair looks so soft. I just want to run my fingers through it…….”

And all of a sudden you feel triggered! Your heart pounds. You start to sweat and your brain does something like this:

“OMG, is my breath bad? I feel fat in these jeans. I should have washed my hair. Oh, that was such a stupid thing I just said. He must think I am an idiot…..”

On and on and on it goes…the more attractive we find him, the more our body and mind betray us.

But when we are on a date with a guy who we are not attracted to we simply do not give a S&%!......and in those times, just like clockwork, he falls for us.

Are you starting to see what is happening here? It’s the same old story. You want a guy and he often doesn’t want you. You don’t want a guy…he is all over you!

It doesn’t matter if you have been married for years or on a first date…

Mari, Stop believing the lie! Spit out the Kool-Aid right now!

YOU ARE THE PRIZE…not him!

When you believe he is the prize and not you, your body chemistry changes. And when it changes, your vibe becomes less attractive.
Google this: Dr. Emoto and his water crystals. Here you will find how thoughts, words and feelings actually affect the vibration of water. It is fascinating and true! And guess what else is made up of primarily water? YOU.

Through dating, circular dating, flirting and all interactions with men, you can start to examine, explore and understand where you triggers come from and what they feel like for you.

By using my tools and techniques, you can learn to begin to come to a new level or higher level of normal about them….In other words…things that used to trigger you before...don't anymore. 

You can become more self-centered (not in the self absorbed and narcissistic way), but as a means of a strongly centered self. 

You can be extremely attracted to someone for instance...and once you have this down pat, you will be naturally different around him. Your vibe will come across as relaxed and self assured. 

The energy shifts, the power shifts and you are now the prize. Isn’t that where you want to be?

Like..if you meet someone who triggers your insecurities...instead of freaking out, you are calm AND really believe that.. “If you call me that would be nice, but if you don’t, so what...I am OK either way that just means theres someone better around the corner. I have faith...IN ME and in my worth! I am the prize.”

How do we get there?....by practicing on guys you are not attracted to. By understanding power in that carefree vibe, you can make the shift. Instead of him getting, “I am not good enough” from you, he will get, “I am a Goddess!”

Now about those guys you aren’t attracted to and the ones who don't trigger you...the ones who LOVE YOU and you say, “ehhh?”

You don’t have to marry them or even sleep with them. Secretly use them to get to know yourself better. There is no crime in that.