Don't Give Up on Love! Do This Instead...
What if I told you that another person cannot ever complete you or make you whole and happy?
What if I told you most everything you have been taught about, “Happy Ever After” won’t get you there?
What can you do with that intel?
Do you just say forget it and not bother?
Do you throw in the towel and go find another partner?
Is the grass greener?
Do you cut yourself off from others and live life as a hermit?
WHY BOTHER be around anyone?
Well, you can go find someone else or you can give up altogether, but I am calling BS on you for both choices until you understand a few things. Then we can revisit the question.
Taking your toys and going home is not the answer.
Giving up is a giant cop out.
It’s a lie.
Tossing one partner aside and finding another might work for a little while. At least you will have the high of the honeymoon phase again for a month or 2…That is something right?
Becoming a loner or a hermit may sound like a good idea when you are hurt, exhausted and without answers, but checking out of life in this way simply says to your soul, I am unwilling to show up for myself or others in this life. I am not willing to heal myself or seek wholeness. I am not even willing to throw my hat in the ring. It hurts too much. I am going to build a giant fortress that sleeps one, and everyone else can just leave me alone.
Yes, well if you are going to do either of the above, you might as well go grab some aspirin. You are going to need it. While you think you are telling him and everyone else to go away, what you are really doing is shooting yourself in the foot.
The only person it hurts is you.
It is just as painful and fruitless to cut yourself off from him and others and try and ignore the deep hole inside you that never seems to be filled as it is to look to him to fill the whole or make you whole.
Neither works.
What works is to take the time and do what I suggest- gaining a better feel for yourself.
Once you understand how powerful your feminine energy is and what being a woman really means and how to use what is already inside of you- in a good way to have the love of your dreams instead of looking out there for it, then we can revisit whether you are going to stay with him or leave him.
In my last newsletter, I spoke about what happens when the ego runs the show in your relationship.
When there is attachment to the outcome, the relationship works when we feel he is towing the line and doesn't work when we feel he isn’t. Ebb, flow...ebb and flow. We feel good when the relationship is flowing, and we feel bad when it is ebbing.
The point is, ebb and flow are inevitable in any relationship. However, when the ego is in charge, your level of happiness is based on his actions; actions you cannot control.
When it is ebbing, the ego tries its darnedest to protect you from hurt.
You react.
You do all kinds of things, and none of them helpful.
You might attack one minute and close up and close off the next.
It feels so unstable and unbalanced that you start looking for any crumb he might offer to put a Band-Aid on your pain.
Just make it stop!
It is during those times that you must be strong enough to do the unthinkable; force yourself to trust; to let go of thinking you are in control.
Unzip your heart, if you will. Get vulnerable.
Stop doing all that stuff we used to do and are used to doing.
Magic happens when we allow ourselves to be freely open and vulnerable. Vulnerability is where your power lies.
Vulnerability = Power.
And that is a hard place to get to when you don't trust him or you.
When we look to relationship with our man without attachment to the outcome, our wellbeing is based on our own actions, not his. The shift goes from “he-centered” or my self-worth is dependent on what he does to, “I- centered” or my self-worth is something I am responsible for.
But that means learning how to trust yourself. For some of us, for whatever reason, we never learned how.
It isn’t your fault.
Showing-Up in the Relationship:
I-centered relationship, one where you trust yourself… might look something like this....
I love him.
I love myself more.
I KNOW he loves me and I know he is doing the very best he can to support and love me.
I let go and trust myself, that I am enough; enough for him and enough to take care of me.
I will try my best to support what he wants and needs without compromising my own wants and needs because I love us both and want the best for both of us, whatever that means.
I will be OK no matter what.
If you do that, he magically is freed up to do the same.
But if either of you messes up...if you miss something or he misses something and does something or doesn’t do something that you might want or need, that’s not the time to panic!
That is the time to pay attention and receive the gift he is giving you.
When ebbs happen in relationships, he is showing you exactly where you are on the path to self-healing and self-love. It all bubbles to the surface.
If you know and trust that he has your back.... then you don’t blame him if he screws up.
When you do not blame, you are free to have no attachment to what he has or hasn’t done.
And when you are coming from this vibe, choices open up!
You can either choose to simply let it go or you can choose to speak your truth.
If you do either or both without blame and in the exact way that I teach, the relationship organically flourishes.
Intimacy happens all by itself.
As if by magic, the “hole” inside you also heals a teensy bit each time you deal with an ebb in a healthy way.
What a great bonus huh?
Ask yourself these two important questions.
Are you able to trust him to do his best...that he has your back the best he knows how?
Do you trust yourself to pick up your own slack when he can’t?
This is about trust.
It doesn't mean it won’t hurt if he says “NO” and it doesn’t mean you stuff your feelings when something bad happens.
It means you trust yourself to know you can handle a yes or a no or anything in between from him and that you can make a healthy and loving decision about what to do about it. It might feel great or it might sting, but either way, you will be OK.
Imagine how that kind of solid will feel to him.
If I can learn to do this, you can too. I can show you how….and you won’t have to use all that time to figure it out like I did. If you are wanting to give up on him or yourself, write me at katelyn@coachKatelyn.com. Tell me about your situation. Let’s set up a free 20-minute consultation.
Learn to shine your own light. He’ll find you there I guarantee.
Love in Whispers,
Coach Katelyn |
