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I've got to say I'M SOOOOO GRATEFUL right now.
Oh, I better
introduce myself I'm Nick, but you know me as Santa Claus. The Jolly Legend that's been hooking you up with cool stuff since you were a kid.
Anyways I told my buddy Lee, I have a
very important message that the whole world needs to hear. So that's why he forwarded you this email for me.
A few years ago I was ready to quit the whole Santa Claus gig.
Ms. Claus was REALLY worried about me.
My
doctor said:
"You can't do it anymore Nick. You can't keep eating 45
million calories in a day and continue to survive. You're arteries are a
mess and your blood pressure is way too
high".
In case you think I'm exaggerating about the 45 million calories, here's the math: just about every kid in the world lays out cookies and milk for me.
I usually do around 1 billion stops in 24 hours, which means over a billion cookies.
Now here's a secret
that I want to keep between us: I only eat 1 out of 3000 cookies.
You could say I've become a bit of "cookie connoisseur".
I just feed the rest to Rudolph and the other reindeers.
Anyways... the freaking cookies and milk were literally killing me.
And
then a Miracle happened.
I ran into Wade Lightheart at the beach in 2015 during my "summer slim down".
He recognized me and introduced
himself.
Next thing you know we're talking shop and I shared my Christmas problem.
Well he was generous enough to hook me up with a
few bottles of MassZymes.
Well boy oh boy was that a life saver!
Last year was the first
Christmas that I felt AWESOME AND JOLLY the whole trip.
Usually I had to make TOO MANY PITSTOPS (if you know what I mean).
I even feed
MassZymes to Rudolph and the
boys. Man, they've improved their speed about 35%, which is great for
me because I get to see Ms. Claus faster. ho ho ho...
And I'm SO GRATEFUL because Wade
sent me a box of the new and improved MassZymes 2.0
I tested them and I've got to say I'M IN LOVE with these bad boys.
Wade's even generous enough to give you a sweet Holiday discount.
Make sure to take advantage of it and try these.
Your friend always, Nick AKA: Santa Claus
====================
P.S.
Please don't make a fire. I've burned my bum too
many times to count.
P.P.S.
Make sure the cookies ROCK. Even Rudolph has gotten picky.
P.P.P.S.
Thanks again Lee for sharing this message. HO HO HO HO!
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