It's been a couple of days since the weekend and right about now is
when some couples can notice old familiar
negative "patterns of relating" showing up.
What do I mean by familiar "patterns of relating"?
Basically what I mean is that one way or another you have noticed
yourself spiraling into Victim/Villain and you likely don't know the exact
point where that started to happen. You may think that it is the
subject you are talking about but I suggest that it's not the subject you are
talking about...it's HOW you are talking.
The tone you bring to each and every conversation and sentence you use is super
important. Remember the talk we had about the Red Carpet? ....What are you
putting out to your partner that you are asking them to step down onto?
In your most basic day to day communication with your partner it's important to
notice and ask yourself, "am I clear or have I added an extra piece to my speaking that might confuse my message with something else?" When we don't care or are not attentive it can be easy to "trigger" the other person by the language we use.
I promise you that if you have spiraled into ViVi (my short
form term for Victim/Villain) ...someone (villain) has made
the "other" wrong and that "other"
(victim) got triggered (remember how the amygdala gets activated) and
then got defensive and away you both went ... spiraled down the hole.
This first BONUS outlines exactly HOW that happens in your speaking
and what you can do about it to free yourselves from making your partner
wrong in your everyday speaking.
Do me a favor... ask your partner
if they saw this email and they didn't please ask them to check their trash file and remind them to whitelist my email so they get the next bonus coming at the end of the week. Thanks.
Happy relating.
To Your Greatness!
Donna
