| Hi Friend,
So many women have phoned me absolutely desperate, seriously worried about how much longer they can put up with the frustration and disappointment they are feeling regarding the state of their marriage.
We women HAVE to have a decent connection with the men we live with ... we just have to ... it's in our DNA.
And over time, it's more painful for us women to be living under the same roof completely disconnected, than it is to split and live under a different roof.
For us women, separation can easily be the better of two evils.
But did you know that most men can stay and go along "forever" with the same existing state of affairs ... listening to you make your case for how it's not working ... listening to you clearly tell him what you want ... all the while it seems you never see the changes you're desperate for as he grows more and more out of touch.
Here's what I know about men.
Your man is related to communication and relationship VERY differently than you.
He hears what you're saying but he is very reluctant to change when he doesn't fully understand what to DO.
But wait ... haven't you been telling him what to do or at least you think you've been doing this ... but have you really been doing this in a way that makes sense to HIM?
I say probably not ...and the reason is you've been speaking to him as though he's a woman and you haven't realized it.
I have spoken to each and every man before coming into our "Between Men and Women" Couple's Communication Retreat, since 2008 .... so that's 100's of men.
They pretty much say the same thing... ...they want it to work ... they want you to be happy in the marriage and yet they DON'T get the whole picture .. they are confused.
They don't know why women are so dissatisfied ... they don't get what's going on with women ... they don't know what women want.
Honestly ... as a woman you get it. You could and would put in place what needed to be there very quickly ... .... but not your husband.
He doesn't operate the same way when it comes to relationship ... in fact ... he's relatively clueless when it comes to you as a woman ... he doesn't understand you so really, how's he supposed to get it right?
Maybe you've tried telling him ... but haven't you noticed, he doesn't listen to you ...
...not really.
He hears what you're saying but he's just not "getting" it and you're really starting to think there's something seriously wrong with how this is going for you two. Either he is really "stupid" or he just doesn't care.
You KNOW he's not stupid ... therefore ... what?
Okay ... so here's what works for men and here's what will work for your husband ...
...it works when someone who is totally not invested that is a 3rd party ... that is not interested in blame ... that KNOWS how confusing it is for him ... to flat out in a very simple yet straight forward fashion, tell him EXACTLY what is going on with you as a woman... tell him exactly what to do AND why he has to do it this way.
In other words, your husband has to be told this stuff on HIS terms ... in a way that HE will understand and not be resistant to....and this doesn't happen in a couple of hours...that's why we take 2 full days to make sure you BOTH understand what's been going on and how to make it right
I explain to him who you are as as a woman ...what you need ...what you want and why, from one angle ... then I repeat it from a slightly different angle ... then I rephrase it yet again so that likely for the first time in his whole marriage ... he REALLY gets it.
Men do very well in our retreat and so would your husband.
Even though he might be cautious at first, once we got going he'd be listening intently and leaning in just like all the other guys that came before him.
Here's what Curtis Shanahan, Warehouse Manager of Airdrie, Ab said of his retreat:
“I am leaving this weekend with an understanding of my role as a husband and man that I never imagined I would have.
I thought I was doing everything right, and that my wife was pushing me away. I now understand the power I possess in my relationship, family and life. This has reconnected me to the positive feelings I have towards my wife. She deserves better from me, and I intend to give her just that. Thank you!”
Here's what Peter DuBeau, General Manager, Banff Ab said about his retreat:
"This retreat was the single most important thing that saved our relationship.”
And if you want to know exactly how the retreat would handle what you are personally dealing with, set up a "no obligation" call with me and I'll tell you exactly what I see ... no strings attached.
You can have a different result but you will have to do something differently.
No one mentors men when it comes to women, but I've been doing just that for almost 15 years.
Let me mentor your husband in such a way that he will totally learn what it is that motivates you, what you want from your marriage and how to give it to you.
Our next couple's retreat is happening in Canmore on March 23-24th and then again in Canmore on April 27-28th.
All registrations happen with me over the phone ... Call me at 403 455-9351 to get you and your spouse registered.
To Your Greatness!
Donna Tosky Couple's Love Coach www.BetweenMenAndWomen.com 403 455-9351
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