Hi Friend,
Relationships need spice, variety, and a little pizzazz now and then to keep things fresh, exciting and new.
Have you ever noticed how this is easier during the summer? We tend to do more things that are out of the ordinary and exciting when days are long and warm. We take holidays. We go boating. We have friends over for BBQ's (this summer notwithstanding!) Summers seem to naturally add spice and variety to life and hopefully, by extension, to your relationship.
With summer winding down, however, we have to be more creative. As the pace of life slows, we have to be more intentional about keeping things from getting too boring.
Most men are particularly prone to letting things get a little stale. I'm not sure that "stale" is the right word, but men like a steady-state that's predictable, reliable and count-on-able. Jason, for example, can define whole chapters of his life by what he ate for breakfast - the same thing morning after morning, month after month, year after year. And that makes sense. It's easy. He knows he will like it. It fits his routine and schedule.
Women, however, thrive on variety and new experiences (men like that too, but it's different. Men like it, women need it!) If things get too steady-state...too predictable... they start to shut down, or they might look to spice things up by starting a fight.
Here are a few ways to add some variety in your relationship:
1) Try a new dish for dinner at least once per week. For extra points, cook it together. For a gold star, guys, cook it yourself!
2) Think of something you have never done together on a Friday night and commit to making it happen.
3) Have friends over for a dinner-party...different friends each month.
4) Take a course / lessons together - dance, cooking, pottery - whatever interests you both.
5) Find a hobby that interests both of you - star-gazing, bike riding, cross-country skiing, painting.
The options are endless! The more you do different things together, the less stale, the more exciting, the less predictable and the more satisfying your relationship will be.
Adding a little variety to your relationship is one of the purposes of the Saturday night exercise in the "Between Men and Women" Online Couples Communication Workshop. The exercise really has two purposes.
First, it's educational. It's where you get to practice the new skills and "awarenesses" that you picked up throughout the Saturday of the workshop. Things like...
- How to ask for what she wants.
- How to appreciate him for all he does for her and the family (you learn why this is so important earlier in the day)
- How to give her quality attention that builds connection, safety and trust (again, why this is critical is explained earlier on Saturday)
- The importance (that's an understatement!) of connecting his production with her desire.
- How to work the "Sacred Circuit" - the powerful exchange of energy that results when his production is connected to her desire.
Second, the exercise is about having fun. If a "date night" isn't something you do regularly, it's about adding some variety to your routine. It's a chance to enjoy yourselves together, and to give each of you an experience of yourselves and of your partner that you might not have had for a long time, if ever!
The Saturday night exercise isn't the whole weekend, of course, but it's an important part. The next "Between Men and Women" workshop is from Saturday, September 26 to Sunday, September 27.
For complete details of what you can expect from the workshop click here:
To Your Greatness!
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