| Hi Friend,
I hope you're doing well and keeping safe.
Last weekend's "Between Men and Women" Online Couples Communication Workshop was great! I just wanted to share with you a tip that came to mind based on some of the conversation that happened over the weekend.
The Coles Notes version is...Don't leave how your relationship goes, up to your partner.
Here's what I mean...
Sometimes we have a tendency to say, "I'll do my part for the relationship, when my partner does their part." (For the purpose of this post, "do your part" refers to any action you can take to create the relationship you want.)
When you do that, you give away your power - you leave the life and the relationship you want fully in the other person's hands.
Let's break this down...
When you wait for the other person to do their part before you do your part, nothing changes. The other person isn't changing, so you don't either. What triggered you in the past still triggers you. What triggered your partner in the past still triggers them as well.
As a result, your relationship goes in just one direction. It becomes static, boring, and a drain on your energy. Over time, the absence of action can cause the relationship to erode further. Issues you're dealing with start to spiral downward and get harder and harder to resolve as time goes by.
Someone has to break the cycle. Someone has to draw a line in the sand. Someone has to be the one who steps up and takes a stand for the relationship. Why not you?
The reality is that you can't control your partner. So if you are waiting for them to do something, you might be waiting a long time.
You can only control yourself. When you do your part, regardless of what your partner is doing, the shift in how you're being can create enough of a change that it motivates your spouse to change as well. One person can make a difference.
Is it preferable for you both to act together? Absolutely! But don't hold out for that if the relationship you want is important to you.
Here's the key. When you decide to take action, that cannot be in the form of, "Hey, husband/wife, you need to change, so shape up!" In other words, "you" taking action doesn't mean judging your partner.
Instead, "you" taking action means looking at yourself and seeing what you are contributing to the breakdown and what you can contribute to the rebuilding. Remember, you can only control yourself, so look at yourself. You've likely heard the saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." That applies to your relationship too. Be the change you want to see in your relationship, and watch your world change.
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