From Nick Nilsson
Author and Publisher of BetterU News
http://www.fitness-ebooks.com

First off, today is the final day you'll be able to take
advantage of the opportunity to work with your own online
personal trainer through Fast Track to Fat Loss and former
"Biggest Loser" trainer Kim Lyons.

I've mentioned this a couple of times in the past few days...so
if you've been putting it off to think about it a bit more, your
time is now almost officially up :) Click this link now to go
learn more:


=> http://www.fitstep.com/goto/1/fast-track.htm


It's well worth checking out and signing up, even if you just
hook it up for 2 weeks and squeeze out all the help you can
during the trial period (though I have to say, it's well worth
the price to stay on). I'll let Kim tell you more about it all,
when you check out the page at the link above and you'll see how
you can get a chance to win a Maserati sports car, too!

Got that funny story below...I didn't write this one myself, just
fyi, it was an email forwarded to me quite a long time ago that I
held onto. I think it's pretty dang funny.

Nick

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Diary of a Trainee

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club
for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my
high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to
go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my
reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who
identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model
for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased
with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep
a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it
was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce
waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god with blond hair,
dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo! Bruce gave me a
tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five
minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so
fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra
aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he
conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very
inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was
around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into
the air - then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly
on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding
smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life
for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I
believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long
as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the
club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my
screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too
perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this
nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on
the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why would
anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and
enjoy life. He said some other stuff too.

Thursday:

Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as
his thin,cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't
help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my
shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not
looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars to find
me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine - which I
sank.

Friday:

I hate that creep Bruce more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. There was no
part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would
beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't
have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't
hand me the &@#$*~ barbells or anything that weighs more than
a sandwich. Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you
attended and graduated magna cum laude from, you jerk!) The
treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I
lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the stinkin' Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun - like
a root canal, a mammogram, or a pelvic exam.

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