| Hey Friend, its your coach, Katya!
Sometimes, I ask my clients to go get feedback after a relationship ends(if they're curious, of course).
Usually these relationships are shorter ones that end abruptly.
It's always interesting when that happens because there's so little information to go off of about why that person thought it wasn't a good fit.
I asked a client to do this recently because he was pretty dumbfounded by the quick ending of a romance.
After playing phone tag for a bit they got to connect and he got the truth.
This particular woman was very honest. Usually people share platitudes that are easy to hear, and I get it sometimes the receiving end doesn't take the truth well and sometimes the truth is hard to deliver.
In this case she was blunt.
Prior to the call, my client and I discussed what would happen if he just listened.
She shared her grievances first, and then in the space of his listening and acceptance of what she had to say, she opened up about her resentments about him, and the previously unspoken expectation she had put on him(men)... and clearly herself.
I was really moved by the way he handled that situation.
He heard her and he let it roll off... even though some of that content was really digging in the knife, so to speak.
He told me after, that something like this would've crushed him in the past.
But today he saw her feedback as inherent incompatibility and said c'est la vie!
A testament to all of his hard work on himself.
The most secure men(and women) that I've ever met operate this way.
They're open to feedback.
...but when they hear that feedback they don't make it about them(not about their "core" anyway).
They hear, they feel, they take into account.
This is an important muscle to build in the early stages of dating(and of course later on in the relationship it will serve).
Knowing "how" to listen to feedback from someone you just met is critical.
I see too many people fall apart at the critique of basically a total stranger.
I see too many people twist themselves around...
or go into "strategizing mode" on how to be different next time, after a person who isn't even choosing them tells them what they don't like about them.
Feedback is someone else's experience of you.
...and only that.
And while it may have something to do with your actions, beliefs, life situation, status, and yes even your looks, etc.
It has nothing to do with the REAL you.
...AND it's not an invitation for you to change WHO YOU ARE.
with gratitude,
Katya
P.S. If you're ready to be steadfast and confident in your own skin and in your dating life hit "send message" below and type "I'm ready"
And I'll send you an application to my complimentary > > Effortless Attraction Session < < where we'll create an exact map for how to attract high quality women!
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