Hey Friend, its your coach, Katya!
The reason you’re not meeting high quality women is because you’re still “tolerating” the ones that aren’t a good fit.
The women who are really only interested in dinner, the ones who don’t ask any questions and aren’t really engaged in anything you have to say, the ones who complain, only talk about themselves / their ex / drone on about work / gossip etc!
I do this really fun thing with my male clients…. I’ll go on a virtual “mock date” with them! It's like a coffee date over skype!
It’s a great way for me to see what they’re actually doing when they’re on a date and give them real-time feedback about how they could be coming across and how they're responding to various situations.
Sometimes, I'll ask my client to train me on who I should be on the date…. Last week my client asked me to play someone boring, distracted un-engaged, and asking 0 questions!
So, I did! I hammed it up! ….and played the worst date I could fathom… yawning, looking around, answering with 1 word answers.
This was very illuminating for my client!
As we were mocking this conversation I noticed that he immediately went into “nice guy” mode tip toeing around my mood and making a bunch of suggestions for how to fix my situation. I was droning on and on about my work and about how much I hated my boss… and he suggested what if I work from home…. Or If I could take some time off?
Suggestion after suggestion!
It was pretty painful for both of us!
The more boring I got the nicer he got, and the more he tried to "fix"!
Then, when it came time for feedback I shared with him that even though I was totally checked out from the date…. The fact that he was trying to "fix" my situation was adding fuel to the fire of my displeasure with life in that moment. (this is an entirely different post... more on this later)
But way more importantly than that….
I asked why he thought it was his responsibility to fix my mood and “tolerate” my checked-outness?
Where were his standards for relating and why wasn’t he communicating them?
News flash folks!
If you’re on a first date and someone is clearly and continuously checked out, bored, irritated and not engaged….
It is not your responsibility to coach them, make them feel better, fix their problems, cheer them up etc.
Guess what, you don't even have to continue the date!
In fact, you should be taking notes about the level of engagement, respect, and thoughtfulness that this person is giving you!
You are on this date because you are looking for a stellar human being to have profound connection with, right?
You are on this date because you're doing the "choosing", yes? God, I hope so!
You’re there to enjoy yourself, right? If you don’t think this is a main reason why you’re there then I strongly recommend trying this on! ...keyword here is "yourself"
You’re there to be choosy and selective because this is someone who you’re potentially going to spend an extended amount of time with(possibly a lifetime).
...and if you’re thinking, yeah but Katya how do I attract the high quality women that aren’t going to treat me like I don’t exist when they’re on a date with me?
Well, first stop making concessions for behaviors that don't work for you with the women you ARE dating.
With compassion, speak your truth when something doesn’t feel good to you!
Own your emotions and share them instead of trying to stuff and invalidate your irritation!
Due your due diligence before agreeing to a date…. It's called a phone call!
...and start noticing the red flags that are glaringly obvious before you ever step foot in that restaurant / coffee shop / whateva
The way you’re going to attract a high quality partner is by first having standards, operating from them, and sharing them with the women you're dating.
When women start to feel this from you... you will be like a moth to a 🔥🔥🔥 of sexay 👯♀️👯♀️👯♀️ and repel bad dates foreva
If you would like to learn how to do that >> apply for an attraction assessment session with me here <<
with gratitude,
Katya
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