One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because we fail to “vet” a potential partner before committing.
We get super excited about the “chemistry” we're feeling…
Which many folks say they experience as a rare occurrence.
...And we dive in head first!
We start to treat this new love interest like a “partner” prematurely.
Sometimes this is enough to scare off a love interest….
Other times the love interest wants to move at the same pace because they share in that chemical-pull.
Important conversations are ignored because, ya know, you don't wanna be a buzz kill!
Resources are handed over liberally.
Red-flags are overlooked.
Yellow-flags that cause problems later in the relationship aren’t smoothed out in time.
Is this a mechanical way of looking at relationships? Maybe.
But consider the time and consideration that we put into finding and accepting a new job at a new company.
Or how we vet a new friend versus how we treat someone who’s been loyal to us for years.
Or how much consideration, analysis we put into making a move, or buying a house.
Is it possible that the expectations we have during an “early stage" relationship are a bit idealistic?
Now, I’m speaking to you if you have the intention of having a long term relationship that’s healthy and lasts.
If that’s not what you’re out for this message is probably not for you.
What if we could date a little bit slower?
Give our hearts to those who have earned our love.
Demonstrate our patience to a quality partner by the way we interact with them from date #1.
Be inquisitive and curious from the start… and set the tone for this way of relating for the long haul!
What if we led with our values first, and our desire second?
How might it feel to place our intentions in that order?
...And how might that shift the way we show up when we date?
Stan Tatkin, author of Wired For Love and Wired For Dating says that we’re basically on drugs for the first 1 to 2 years of a new relationship(the attraction and attachment we feel are created by the chemicals norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin amongst others).
What this means is in a new relationship we really don’t get to know “the real person” we’re dating until we’ve been dating them for a while and the drugs have wore off. 😉
So, if you desire something that lasts.
My invitation to you is to slooooooow down.
Be patient. Be curious.
Value yourself enough to take your time.
with gratitude,
Katya
