If you want to feel supported in your relationship you get to learn how to be someone who’s available to ask for and receive support 👊
Many of the people I work with are very comfortable carrying their partners metaphorical “backpack” ie their problems, concerns, needs, etc. 🎒
They are less comfortable “not” carrying their partners backpack
And even less comfortable with communicating that they themselves have a backpack that needs carrying 🤷♂️
A client I was speaking to was hesitant to tell his partner some negative emotion and stress that he was feeling in the relationship because he was worried he’d add to her stress 😖
Meanwhile, the thought that is was inappropriate to share his emotions and concerns was adding even more to his stress and compiling more weight onto the backpack he was already carrying 🤯
In our conversation he realized that telling her how he felt didn’t mean that she was going to internalize what he said(a big concern of his)
👉People who play the supporter role often take on the burden of how someone might experience the thing that is important for them to say
A thoughtful quality you might say but the supporters "growth" is to separate his experience from his partners
Why?
Because as they imagine how their partner might react they often talk themselves out of their own very valid experience and expression and say nothing
Leaving them voiceless
Resentful
And leaving no clues for their partner about what they need! 👈
He realized that he could separate the two - His experience from hers 🙌
Now, he can not only start to share more of himself and let that pressure and stress diffuse 🥴
But he also has more room to play the role that he genuinely enjoys playing, the supporter role, while also giving himself and his partner the opportunity to support him too! 🙃
with gratitude,
Katya
