I was walking up a couple of flights of steps from the beach to a lookout point to watch the sunset.
As I approached the top of the stairs I saw an empty bench I could perch on to brush the sand off of my feet and get my shoes on.
As I was removing the sand out from in between my toes the man on the bench next to me, who I had hardly noticed, said hello.
I said hi back and kept attending to my sandy situation.
A few moments he said something else, honestly I hardly remember what it was but next thing I know we’re locked into a pretty intense conversation. We’re facing the street and the sun is setting behind us.
He was a mature gentleman, probably late 50’s, early 60’s.
Of course, I shared what I did for a living. He was intrigued and asked lots of questions.
He didn’t just rapid fire the questions at me, either. I could tell that he was genuinely trying to understand something with each thoughtful question; understand something about me, or learn something new from my answers.
I learned that he was a former theater actor who had performed for years in New York. How cool!
I told him that I was impressed by his ability to talk up a stranger and wished that I was more like that. It’s true, you can often find me lost in my own world when I’m out in public.
I know many women can relate to this... and this should communicate something important to you. i.e. we're not ignoring you... we're often just not paying attention AND you do not YET have our attention.
He was easy to talk to. Curious and Open. He was not only inquisitive but also shared freely about his own life.
Anyway, where I’m going with this is that I ended up chatting it up with this man for easily an hour before it got too chilly and I decided to head home.
So, if you’re wondering if women want to be approached... the answer is yes! Yes, we do.
And if you didn’t catch what this guy did that worked really well…
Let me recap…
1. Made eye contact and said hello. Nothing fancy is needed. Promise.
2. He paused. This is important. He let me acclimate to his presence, first, before continuing.
3. Start slow. We established origin stories. Small talk is fine to get a conversation going. Where are you from? What do you do? It really doesn’t matter “WHAT” you talk about… It’s actually about...
4. How you talk about it. Are you genuinely curious? Are you present in the conversation? i.e. not just waiting for the next thing to say.
If you'd like to explore a woman's perspective on how you come across to the women in your dating life, let's chat and I'll give you my intuitive view of exactly what's working in your favor and what's not. Just shoot me a 📩.
Have a fab weekend!
...Oh and here's that sunset! — in Encinitas, California.
with gratitude,
Katya |
