| Hey Friend, its your coach, Katya!
I don’t believe in mantras, “power poses”, meditations, bubble baths, and eye gazing with yourself in the mirror, alone,
will help you generate the self-love that you’re desiring.
If anyone tells you that in order to love yourself, you need to have three hours of daily practices and rituals for the rest of your life, I suggest that you question that ideology.
Here’s why…
Self love is not a skill like learning how to play a sport, an instrument or learning a language.
Love is an instinct
Love is a natural state that we were all born with understanding
I used to think that if I just accomplished more I would love myself
I used to think that if I had just better mind control that would be my access to love
I actually used to do “power poses” in my bedroom screaming at the top of my lungs… “I am love” and yeah they would pump me up for an hour or two but I would always come back down to my baseline relationship to myself… like coming down from a drug
I’ve also meditated for years and yes this practice has been incredibly potent for helping me quiet my mind yet it couldn't touch the critical voice within at the depth that I wanted it to.
And don’t get me wrong I love having a daily practice. I think everyone should have one and I’m definitely not criticizing the power of rituals, which are sacred, personal and have many uses and benefits.
But they are not what helped me transform my relationship with myself.
What did was working with someone one on one.
Having someone point out the way in which I talk to myself.
Systematically and lovingly showing me my “inner critic”, my "inner judger”
And simultaneously catching the moments where I am already loving myself and giving me room to experience what that sounds and feels like.
What has was having a guide help me build a new relationship to myself.
What did was realizing that I actually have all the tools I need within me to have the love that I want.
What that's given me is..
A loving inner voice that validates my thoughts, ideas, sense of humor, boundaries, and intuition.
It's given me, funny enough, an internal neutrality where I don't have crazy emotional highs followed by depressive lows. It's provided me with emotional balance and resilience.
It's allowed me to systematically think through my choices and have confidence in the choices I make in my life without a barrage of second guessing.
It's a "subtractive" practice.
What I mean by that is that if love is out natural state
Then all we really need to do is uncover it.
Where is it already peeking out underneath the layers of negative self talk?
How can we catch and identify that negative self talk and the genuine purpose that it’s been serving - give it compassion so that it can melt and let us see what’s underneath?
This is why I don’t believe in "additive" practices alone. Because believing that practices will get you to love means that you believe that you have to "do" something to have it.
And that’s simply not true.
💜
PS Here's a pic of Maxine the insta-dog who clearly is lovin' her damn self!
with gratitude,
Katya |
