Have you ever wanted to bring up something that was important to you but you hesitated?
Have you ever rehearsed what you wanted to say over and over again in your head only to deem it unimportant and move on?
Or maybe you resolved in your mind how a conversation was gonna go before you ever opened your mouth to speak...
Let's talk about conflict...
You can’t always avoid conflict. Some issues don’t “just go away”.
Putting on a happy face or pretending that nothing bothers you is a pretense.
You cannot always make people happy. You cannot always make your partner happy.
And you can’t always avoid hurting someone else's feelings when you bring up a point of contention.
Often your voice, your opinion, the very act of addressing something will contrast their view.
AND that doesn’t mean that what you have to say isn’t valid.
Or that you shouldn’t say it.
The contrast that you provide is valuable to your relationship.
Contrast isn’t “bad”.
Most people think that when they bring up something that’s important to them that it’s going to cause conflict… and that conflict is a problem.
That’s for sure one way of looking at it!
But what if bringing up something that’s important to you that you’re afraid to address is actually a bid for connection?
What if it's your guidance systems recognition that there is a disconnect for you?
...and clear evidence that you are committed to intimacy and connection.
What if in honoring what you need(to express) you’re actually honoring the other person because you’re acknowledging your relationship-as-ecosystem.
One in which your disconnect = their disconnect.
And that when you address something you’re simply nodding to her who eagerly awaits your re-connection.
How would it feel to look at conflict from this view?
with gratitude,
Katya
PS Is there something you're afraid to address in your relationship? Shoot me a pm and I'll help you get clear on what you really want to say in a compassionate way that lands. xo
PPS This is my new email address: katya@katyamorozova.me
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