| Hey Friend,
Often my client and I will agree on an action he is to take that will stretch him in the arena of loooooove!
Be transparent, share something you wouldn’t normally share.
Be direct and lead on the date.
Address this thing that’s been bugging you that you’ve been withholding from your partner.
Assert what you want where you usually shy away.
...are a few examples...
Sometimes, they'll go out, try it "once" and come back and tell me that it didn’t work.
Then look for evidence for why it didn't work!
(Often, when we dig deeper we find it actually did work but there's more steps that are needed to lay the foundation)
And try to get another strategy…. As if there’s a way “around” instead of “through”.
They might try to build a case around why it didn’t work... and tuck that away in their mental file cabinet...
...so that the next time he senses this happening he can protect himself from feeling embarrassment/uncertainty/pain.
They’ll make a snap-judgment about the person they were on the date with or about their partner.
All of that is a-okay! ...And a totally valid human response.
And...
Here’s the thing….
Anything you try “once” probably won’t work!
It’s like playing a sport, or learning an instrument or a new skill.
You end up sucking at it at first.
You have “0” confidence.
You’ll get frustrated at least a few times.
You’re usually critical of yourself and self-conscious in the beginning.
People forget that this same rule applies to when you’re learning the “relational arts”.
….and dammit it is a fuggin art! A lifelong commitment if you let it.
Vulnerability doesn't come naturally…. Because guess what? You’re freakin’ REVEALING yourself, your deepest truth in that moment.
Confidence comes with familiarity, practice, and competence.
Being flirty and showing interest might feel weird at first if you were taught that you shouldn’t do that!
Humor is a skill that you train. There has never been a great comedian who didn’t once suck, badly.
Communication is a fuggin’ human paradox…. So there’s that.
So practice practice practice.
Be humble
You weren’t supposed to know this already.
You are not “behind”.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Keep your heart open... learn from the discomfort instead of shoving it aside.
Don't pigeonhole yourself or others.
….and under no condition should you give up after the first try! ....or even the 20th!
with gratitude,
Katya
PS Happy New Year! What are you excited about in 2019? I'd love to know! |
