He said, “I haven’t told my girlfriend about you…”
I laughed.
“It’s like I’m the other woman!”
This was a conversation I had with a man while he was deliberating whether he should tell his new girlfriend about his work with me, to make things easier on him when he brought up what he discovered in our sessions to her.
Alas, there is much more to this innocuous conversation than meets the eye.
So much happens during the course of his journey that might have him hesitate to tell a loved one that he’s been getting support in this arena of life.
He first had to have the willingness to look within, recognize that he needs help and then reach out to a stranger one day and say, “hey I need help with this!”
This is not always easy for a man, and I don’t take this vulnerable moment for granted.
Then he would muster up the courage to share intimate thoughts that he's never shared with anyone.
And let someone wander around in the depths of his heart and mind and point to moments in time, and frames of mind that need revisiting, healing, upgrading.
To then arrive at this conversation and realize that his pride didn’t want his partner to know that he was receiving guidance in this area of his life.
He wanted the satisfaction of being The Man that had figured out these interpersonal skills on his own.
But even that was quickly overshadowed by the shame that he hadn't done it all on his own.
...and of course he was The Man!
He had done all of the work.
He had asked for help and it was a powerful choice that allowed him to grow into an evermore expanded version of himself.
See, I don’t have a problem with being a best kept secret and space of refuge.
I do have a problem with men being so ingrained by our culture that makes them think that they are supposed to “have it all together”.
I do have a problem with men feeling so much shame that it makes them feel queasy to ask for help.
I do have a problem with men feeling like they're somehow less of a man for receiving it.
So here’s my message for you today.
It really is okay to ask for help.
You are both strong and vulnerable.
You are both capable and deserving of support.
You’ve got this!!!
...and I've got you
with gratitude,
Katya |
