If you’re reading this, it means something.
You’re still here, compelled by curiosity or concern or…
Well, why do you keep reading?
I’m deeply curious because in the last two weeks, I’ve gotten some very interesting feedback.
First, almost 10% of my list unsubscribed.
Second, a few personal and professional conversations reinforced my assertion that both parties offered the world very similar narratives. Supporters of both candidates said, “You weren’t unbiased at all, Amanda. You are clearly supporting (person they are supporting) because (similar reason).”
Several were surprised when I told them I’d just had a convo with someone on the other side that sounded the exact same.
Turns out, not only were both sides saying the same thing, but that natural tendency to project our thoughts and feelings onto others was also well in play.
Now, since folks unsubscribed without a word, it’s impossible for me to know for sure WHY.
But I think it’s safe to say it was likely an emotion-driven click, especially because of the specific dates of the unsubscribes.
This predilection for projection
that had people seeing
their own thoughts and feelings (not mine)
hit another level yesterday.
I spent the day after the election on the social media platforms and media outlets of BOTH sides, reading and listening to people’s reactions.
Both sides were incredibly intense in the ways you might assume, but also in some I did not.
And of course, both sides provoked very big emotions in me.
Why?
Because yesterday,
the shadows emerged (or intensified)
for both the proverbial winners and losers.
I probably need to explicitly say that I am aware the following are broad generalizations. I know, very well, there are exceptions on both sides because I love people on both sides. (And the fact that you are STILL on my list probably means you’re one of them too.) But let’s say that of the hundreds of posts and comments, and the dozens of media interviews and discussions I listened to, the following were more the rule than the exception.
One side is expressing everything from disgust to rage, fear to terror, and sadness to hopelessness.
Are these feelings or shadows, Amanda?
Well, Jung called the shadow a hidden, repressed part of the self. And the way I’ve come to experience it is as a part of our self that we repress because it’s too painful/convicting to look at, it reminds us of someone we have vowed to not become, we’re afraid we (or someone else) actually may not survive its full expression, or some lucky combination of those.
So, I’d say the disgust, rage, fear, terror, sadness, and hopelessness are feelings that, if they’ve not been fully felt and expressed, can be called shadows. And in my personal and professional experience, when emotion explodes onto a scene, it usually means it hasn’t been fully felt and is very easily turned into a weapon to self-protect, often by causing harm first.
And I saw a lot of that yesterday…
Shadows turned into emotional or even physical weapons against fellow humans. From name-calling to calls for the murder of the president-elect, I saw lots of feelings turned into weapons.
The other side is expressing winner’s shadows. Confidence turned to Pride. Pride turned to Mockery. And those were definitely used as weapons to belittle and bully. They couldn’t just take the win, many had to rub it in with harsh “I told you so’s” and satire absent of empathy.
As I witnessed all of this, I got to face all the same feelings and shadows in myself:
- I was deeply disgusted and even enraged by much of what I saw.
- I absolutely felt the fear and terror of living in a polarized world where people don’t even appear to take a breath before weaponizing their feelings.
- The sadness and hopelessness emerged as I grieved the lack of interest in understanding each other turning into a lack of interest in treating humans with any sense of humanity.
But I also fully understood the shadows because I have my own beliefs and my husband would be the FIRST one to tell you that…
- I’ve developed my own names for those I feel are harming others and our country.
- I’ve definitely had the thought that our world would be a better place if certain people weren’t in it.
- I’ve absolutely celebrated the demise of characters and policies I detest with almost no empathy at all.
What? Amanda, how could you? Do you really? That’s it! I’m getting off your list!
I know, I’ve felt the same exact way about those parts of myself.
That’s why you’re hearing from me today, not the day after the election.
I created a sacred space for 24 hours for me to BE HUMAN about all of my feelings and FEEL THEM FULLY.
I’m just a girl. With a story. Full of enough traumas that have been triggered by both sides, not just by folks I fundamentally disagree with in most ways but by people who I respect in most ways. Determined to become who I was made to strive to be—love in the flesh. Worried about my son starting his adult life in this world. Responsible for supporting other humans with tender stories.
It’s confusing and disorienting,
upsetting and infuriating,
and often depressing
to be a Character in the bigger story,
with such limited knowledge.
And that Character deserves their time… to tantrum, to cry, to scream, to sneer, to write out a list of clever and cruel names, to think about all the ways they want to see justice unfold…
But that Character also needs a Witness—a Narrator or even a Co-Author—who can say, “I see you. I hear you. I feel you. And I promise you, there is more to this story. There is real good in the world. There are people who want to build bridges and folks who have done enough shadow work to stay in conversations when it’s hard. I can see them all, even though you can’t through all those feels. When you’ve let it all out, we’ll create a plan and finish writing this story together.”
If we don’t give ourselves this pause… to fully feel… in a sacred space, it’s hard to avoid weaponizing our feelings, doing real harm, and even undermining all of our dreams of being part of a solution in the next chapter of OUR story.
What if allowing ourselves to be human —and feel all the feelings in sacred space— is the fine line between being a monster and hero?
p.s. If you don’t have a safe witness, hit REPLY. I know that one of my contributions to the solution is creating spaces where individuals can express themselves fully, so they can become part of the work of repairing our world.
p.p.s. I'm serious about replying with your answer to the question of why you're still reading these.
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