| Happy Memorial Day.
If you have fought for our freedom, thank you.
If you are a family member to someone
who has, does, or did—thank you.
That level of sacrifice and service to freedom
is something I aspire to,
and is the goal of the work that is
before me… and us… every day.
Thank you for making this journey of awakening
to my individual responsibility to freedom possible.
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| Finally! I won!
In 2018, I saw something in a credit card statement that caused me to question the validity of some of my credit card debts and begin to dispute them. One thing led to another, and a few lawsuits were filed against me. Fortunately, I had allies to help me learn how to defend myself in a system that I quickly discovered was not what I had grown up thinking it was.
I called my ally to inform him I had won one of the cases, but when I read the content of the letter to him, he cleared his throat.
“Amanda, you’re still not getting it. They said they believe that debt is valid but will not continue collecting at this time. If you don’t object to their statement that it’s valid, it’s as good as consenting to it. They’ll come back for you later.” My pulse quickened in his pause. “If you’re not objecting, you’re consenting.”
Kaboom! Something inside me shattered.
I quickly ended the phone call and curled up in bed while this message reverberated all the way through me, heating up every cell in my body to the point of fever.
“If I don’t object, I consent…” I whispered as the tears began to pour down my face.
Every challenging situation in my world quickly came into crystal clear focus. The reason I was still in that tangled mess with my family—I didn’t object.
The reason my husband and I still circled the same relationship drama repeatedly—I didn’t object.
The reason I still struggled with some of the beliefs that held me hostage in my relationship with my Co-Author—I didn’t object.
And so, I was consenting to more of the same…
allowing lies to be “true” instead of communicating my truth, allowing others to take advantage of me instead of doing what was necessary to keep them from hurting me again, allowing unnecessary drama to continue instead of renegotiating healthier agreements, allowing perpetrators to continue preying upon me instead of objecting and insisting on justice.
But objecting wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I was worried about how the people around me would deal with my objections. I was afraid they would think I was overdoing it. I was terrified they would leave me… or punish me. And you know what? Some of them did. Sometimes, it was because they didn’t want to grow and recalibrate our relationship with me; and sometimes, it was because I just wasn’t very good at objecting yet.
While this legal process has been completely overwhelming and depleting, it has taught me some incredibly valuable lessons about objecting:
- Good objections require knowledge of “the ideal” and clarity about how “what is happening now” falls short of it.
- We need to understand the rules of procedure and how to conduct ourselves respectfully while we are objecting and working to move things closer to the ideal.
- They require precision of language—that we avoid making assumptions or creating stories about why people have behaved the way they have, and stick to the facts.
As I was learning all of this, I was applying it to my personal path to freedom in my relationships, in my business, in my industry, and in my culture. I found that “working it from both ends”—micro-objections in my personal life and macro-objections in the culture—really helped me to understand that every single objection matters, no matter how big or small it seems.
Every single violation of our personal power and space is worthy of our objection,
even when they are well-intentioned
or unconsciously perpetrated.
And that happens all the time. Think about how easy it is to violate a child’s sense of safety, belonging, and sense of self when we are over-tired or stressed. We’ll do anything to make them comply and behave, so that we can do what needs to be done, right? But when we deceive, manipulate, shame, or force our way, despite their objections, we teach them something about objecting to what doesn’t feel good or make sense. We teach them that their objections are inconvenient, irritating, or wrong; and then we wonder why they don’t have a voice to speak up when they find themselves in an abusive situation.
Our freedom hangs in the balance
in every interaction.
That may sound melodramatic to you, but I know it’s true by experience.
If you don’t buy it, please consider this invitation to stay unapologetically present to your experience of personal and collective freedom for a full day.
Notice every violation—micro and macro.
Notice every feeling that emerges in response.
Notice every impulse that rises.
Notice what you do with them.
Notice how you feel after—more free or less free?
Thank you, again, to those who’ve fought for my freedom. I apologize for being so far behind. |
| | Committed to Saving Stories with You, |
| | Founder, True to Intention and The Story Oracle
Co-Founder, Saved By Story Publishing
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