| “Ummmm… can we take this song off repeat now?” It’s a frequent request from my loved ones, who are perplexed by my ability to listen to a song THAT MANY TIMES.
But me? I don’t wonder.
Music has been one of The Wind’s most powerful tools for inspiring, supporting, and sustaining transformation in my life. It always floats its medicine along the airwaves with intention to…
…PREPARE ME for something that I don’t even see on my horizon. Is it a coincidence that I became obsessed with “Footloose” a full year before we moved to a small, religious, rule-heavy community? Is it weird that my favorite song [at the same time] was “Man In The Mirror,” foreshadowing what eventually became my path to freedom—focusing on living into my own beliefs and truest expression of ME? A warning and a way out… a full year before I needed it?
…WAKE ME UP to a truth or INVITE ME to more. Isn’t it fascinating that “My Own Prison” found me the same year that I began a university honors program that challenged me to scrutinize every belief I had and let go of the ones that held me back from a happy life and my true potential? …SOOTHE ME during challenging times with its medicinal melody and lyric. On the drive to and from the university, I nearly made my ears bleed with Creed’s “One Last Breath” and “Higher.” The lyrics mirrored the collapse of my beliefs and dreams, but helped me to witness the new way that was emerging. So many other examples over the years, maybe the most powerful of which was in December 2012, when Mumford and Sons’ “Awake My Soul” arrived on cue the morning I went to yoga to process my grief over the loss of a dear client and mentor who had altered my DNA with his message a few weeks before he passed.
“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die Where you invest your love, you invest your life”
In my world, there are no coincidences, especially when it comes to Art. Every movie and song that enters my space does so right on cue.
I didn’t used to see it as it was happening, and sometimes it still takes a minute for me to figure it out.
For example…
I first heard the song “Let It Go” by James Bay a month ago, and it has been on repeat. Daily. For weeks. Even when it’s not playing, it’s there.
When I had a few moments to myself one morning at the retreat I facilitated last week, I put my earbuds in and clicked on that song.
Listening closely to the lyric, I wondered, “Why is this medicine for me right now?”
The song is about an inevitable breakup, which made no sense when I looked at the landscape of my relationships. Deciding to let my subconscious do the work, I finished my coffee and got back to work.
Later that morning, one of my messengers wryly pulled a doggy poop bag out of his backpack and laid it on the counter in front of me: “Here, I think you probably need this more than I do.” |
| | I immediately knew that his statement had nothing to do with the fact that I have two dogs at home and he has none.
He was making a smart-ass reference to our week on retreat.
Now, I’m accustomed to holding space for other people’s st*ry to hit the fan during these retreats, and even my own, but I’ve never had to deal with so much other sh*t during a retreat. Literally.
The first night, I barely slept because of the carpenter ants dropping off the ceiling above me. Ant traps made it better immediately, but the next day, I woke up to larva stuck to my yoga mat in that same bedroom. Ewwwwww!!! Grosssssssss!!! On Day #3, we were virtually incapacitated by the stench taking over the house.
The sewage pump had broken. You can't make that sh*t up.
We found another AirBnB down the street and made the switch, but we lost a half-day to this mess at the first venue, and then everyone was trying to find their footing in a new place for almost half of the next day.
A whole day of work… lost. I was not thrilled, to say the least.
We finally got some traction and the messages started to fall into place.
One of them had me in absolute tears, as I realized that working on this curriculum project was a beautiful gift—one that I could only receive, and contribute to, because of all of the “mis-steps” on my journey. It leverages every single insight, gift, and skill I’ve developed across this lifetime with the sole purpose of healing [and preventing] wounds of others that mirror my own.
On Day #6, when everyone was deep in processing mode, and I got the news that I couldn’t get a late checkout time, I called it. We would end the retreat a half-day early and I would offer virtual writing days to make up for all the lost time.
So, I’m on my way home—6 hours earlier than planned—and “Let It Go” comes on...by itself…and I finally hear the message:
“But now we’re sleepin’ near the edge Holdin’ somethin’ we don’t need All this delusion in our heads Is gonna bring us to our knees…” What am I holding that I don’t need? What’s the delusion that’s gonna bring me to my knees?
With the question, came the answer on The Wind: “Amanda, remember the question you asked last week? What would it look like to sacrifice what is most precious to you to ‘seek first the kingdom of God’?”
Of course. I thought I faced that when ten years of my work disappeared off of my hard drive and my cloud later that morning?
“Sure, but you got all the work back and stepped right back into the delusion that this current expression of your work is going to last…”
Gulp.
“So come on let it go Just let it be Why don’t you be you? And I’ll be me” Oh…
“Look at this project I just put into your lap. This is a new direction. You’re needed over here. I prepared you for this. Are you willing to let your delusion go?”
Yes, but how?
“Everything that’s broke Leave it to the breeze Why don’t you be you? And I’ll be me” “You be you. Let me be me.” The Wind laughed.
“I used to recognize myself it’s funny how reflections change and we’re becomin’ somethin’ else I think it’s time to walk away” I get it, but walk away from what? What exactly do I let go of? My current offerings and services, or…?
“Trying to push this problem up the hill when it’s just too heavy to hold think now’s the time to let it slide”
Suddenly, I knew.
The heavy things. The stuff that has no lightness or energy around it.
“Yes,” The Wind affirmed.
But I LOVE what I’ve created, I whined. I LOVE the impact—the healing and transformation that unfolds for people who participate in it. Why do I have to let go of something so good, so fun, so powerful?
“Remember what you told your client yesterday?”
I knew which one The Wind was referring to—it was the one who felt like she was abandoning a particular audience that needed her help in order to reach another one. It took time for her to process, from her head to her heart, the realization that she is going to reach FAR MORE OF THAT ORIGINAL AUDIENCE indirectly through this new approach.
Okay, I get it. I will let go of what’s heavy and just BE ME. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I’m willing.
Just with the decision, the heaviness lifted.
I have no bloody idea where I am being guided, folks, but I’m paying attention and surrendering what’s heavy: - the identities and titles I’ve carried and distilled for the last ten years in business and the last 38 years of my life
- the marketing of the programs that have no lightness to them
- the roles and responsibilities that I took on unconsciously with loved ones and clients and mentors
All of it. I’m letting it all go.
I have to tell you that this is both exciting and terrifying, but the last year has certainly prepared me for navigating uncertainty and loss, and reinforced that I am always being taken care of.
The sudden loss of family members. New powerful programs emerging but not refilling. Amazing opportunities falling through, yet opening space for even better ones. It has me asking some very powerful questions:
What if the whole point of this journey is this practice of letting go and opening space for the next thing?
What if it’s just a trap of the mind to think that we will arrive somewhere and stay there?
What if that desire to have everything mapped and known is calling us to a never-ending adventure of learning and discovering how much we don’t know?
What if it’s not only important to let go of the toxic stories, but also the ones we LOVE that are heavy in comparison to the ones on the horizon?
Are you being called to LET "IT" GO?
What music are you listening to that might be giving you a clue about your next steps?
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| | Founder, True to Intention Smart-Mouthed Seeker | Unapologetic Story Junkie | Message Oracle | Messenger Guide Mom | Wife | Friend | Witness to Divine Intention through Story
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