Smiling at the giddy conversations and energy of the entrepreneurs sitting at my table, I took another bite of the yummy camp lunch and glanced out the window of the big dining room just in time to see him.
Dressed in his jeans, camp t-shirt, and sneakers, the founder of the Good Life Project was carrying an oversized food tray with a half-dozen full plates of food.
What is he…?
As if she could hear my thoughts, the camp volunteer next to me said, “He’s taking lunch up to the team while they’re preparing for this afternoon’s activities.”
“Wow,” was all I could manage out loud through my bite of food.
“Yeah, he’s cool like that.” She smiled, nudged my elbow camp style, and went back to her conversation with the others, leaving me with the lump in my throat [and I’m not talking about the food].
As I sat there, staring out the window, I remembered the conversation we’d had when he was inviting me to his big coaching program almost a year earlier.
***
“Jonathan, I have to tell you… I’m not really sure why I filled out the application. I’m not really excited about the idea of working with another coach or even growing my business.”
I could hear him smile on the other end of the phone. “May I ask why?”
“Well…” I paused, trying to remember the details I’d shared in my application and measure my words so I wouldn’t sound like a total bitch. “Let’s just say that I’ve been around this industry of thought leaders, gurus, and experts for almost a decade and I don’t really want any part of it.”
“I’d love to hear more, Amanda, if you’re willing to share.”
“I just don’t like what I have seen, Jonathan. People who have reached a certain level of success… well, I don’t really like how they’ve done it. I bristle at the ‘formulas’ that get in the way of me hearing their authentic voice and intention, and I get white hot with rage when I hear all of the deceptive and disempowering messaging and tactics they are using to get people to hand over their credit cards and their lives. I sat next to a sales script writer last week who was boasting that he had crafted neurolinguistic scripts that were guaranteeing million-dollar days for some of his clients.” I paused, grimacing at the bile that emerged in my throat at the memory. “The worst part is that the beautiful souls who pay these big dollars to make these gurus millionaires end up at my door, second-guessing their power and their purpose, facing serious relationship ruptures, and so broke they struggle to pay me to help them do what those other people said they would do.” Feeling physically overwhelmed with frustration, I stopped.
“Amanda, I definitely empathize with you. I’ve been around many of the same blocks, and I’ve struggled with all the same frustrations and feelings.” He paused for a moment and then asked, “What about my messaging made you fill out the application despite how you feel about our industry?”
“Well, I actually can see all of the formulas that you’re using, but there’s something different about how you’re using them. They feel like yours somehow. Like you’ve taken a bunch of good formulas and adjusted them to work for you and your voice. That’s really what I want to do in my business. I am clear that I was incubated in the icky stickies and I want to find my own clear, clean, powerful way to message and market. And…” I paused again, wondering if I should continue.
“Yes?” he coaxed.
“I really want a whole life, Jonathan. I’ve watched so many messengers and coaches achieve success at a cost I’m not willing to pay. I’ve seen them sacrifice their physical well-being with impossible hours. Sacrifice their personal relationships to get where they want to go. And the worst is the sacrifice of their own integrity -- doing things they never would have agreed to in the beginning to get to that next level or stay there.” I took a long deep breath to clear my mind. “If I’m honest with you right now, I’ve just woken up to the fact that I could be one of them. I’m looking at a marriage that might not make it while I’m raising an almost-teenager and caregiving a grandmother who is rapidly declining in physical and mental health. Oh yeah, and struggling with business for the last two years after making the decision that I didn’t want to ‘be like those gurus.’”
“Wow, Amanda. That’s a lot. And I would completely understand if you decided not to take on this intensive program. But I do want to assure you that we are very intentional about doing everything differently over here. And I think that’s what you were feeling as you were watching my video and reading my content. It’s different because we’re focused on creating a new way that doesn’t feel so… gross, and we are looking for people who want to create a whole life, not just a great business…”
***
Everyone was getting up from the table to head into the next workshop while I was still staring out the window in wonder.
He was telling the truth that day. They are creating a new way here, and this scene of him delivering food just confirms my growing suspicion about what makes it different. This guy is a quiet spiritual giant. He is actually living his message of “Good Life” at every level.
My mind served up a half-dozen memories of witnessing the deep love that flowed between him and his wife, him and his team, and him and his clients. And I had been amazed listening to him share how he had developed his team mindfully to balance his introversion and his empathy, unwilling to sacrifice his well-being the way he had in his former life. I’d been in absolute awe at how people gravitated toward his quiet personality, brilliant mind, and enormous heart without all “the show” and shitty practices that have become so common in our industry.
Just seeing that this is possible was worth the price of admission, never mind the many lessons I’ve learned and the growth I’ve experienced in my confidence and business since.
I’m so grateful to have seen this paradigm of
Sacred Offerings instead of Sacrifice
before it was too late.
Let me be clear.
I’m not saying Sacrifice isn’t good and right when we are pursuing goals. When I decide that it’s time to write a book or develop a new program, I realize that it’s going to cost me some of the time and creative energy that I usually have delegated to loved ones and client projects. But the cost of not writing that book or developing new content is higher when my Co-Author is inspiring me and providing a pathway to deeper understanding and healing through the content development process. So, I have to get clear about what I am going to sacrifice [and what I am asking others to sacrifice as well] and for how long. Sure, I can sacrifice a few hours of sleep, family time, and client work every week, but not more than that and not for more than a few months without serious consequences.
What I am saying is that the paradigm of Sacrifice is dangerous when it becomes our modus operandi -- a default setting that runs our health, our relationships, and eventually our dreams into the ground. I don’t know about you, but I was raised with a huge focus on Sacrifice. In my childhood religion, Sacrifice was embodied in God’s Sacrifice of His Only Son. At school, I was expected to sacrifice some of my extra time to help other students and take on leadership roles. In my family system, as the oldest child, there was an assumption/ expectation that I would sacrifice some of my own needs, comforts, desires, and time for the family’s well-being: taking care of the younger siblings and the ill grandmother, keeping the house clean for my hard-working mom, and working diligently at school to provide a good model for the little ones.
Sacrifice is a natural and healthy part of belonging
to groups and causes bigger than ourselves;
BUT
if our individual needs and desires are not also valued
and attended to, then we are headed for trouble.
By the time I was starting my own business, the paradigm of Sacrifice [without boundaries] was so ingrained that I wasn’t even registering “my own needs and desires” as existing. Physically, the sacrifices had literally crippled me with exhaustion, adrenal fatigue, and fibromyalgia symptoms. Mentally and emotionally, I felt more like a “tool” for meeting everyone’s needs than a “person” who was being seen, loved, and appreciated in all of my relationships.
But, naturally, knowing nothing else, I brought that paradigm of Sacrifice to my business services and expansions. My health, my marriage, and my joy all began to fall apart, and I realized I was headed for the same end I’d seen so many messengers meet.
Determined to not end up like these folks, I got to work on shifting the Sacrifice St*ry to…
Wait, what in the world was I going to shift it to?
I’d never seen or known anything else…
All I could do was imagine, dream, idealize, and hope that all of that was somehow possible… until I met Jonathan and saw him carrying that big food tray of lunches to the people who worked for him. He was lovingly taking care of his team who was busy helping him meet his own needs and desires to not exhaust himself with the experiences he knew would drain him.
He showed me the new paradigm was one of
Sacred Offerings.
Every superpower I use…
Every conversation I have…
Every retreat and quest I facilitate…
Every bit of content I write…
Every moment I spend helping others…
Can be a Sacred Offering IF:
I’m still connected to my body and meeting its needs…
I’m still connected to my soul and attending to its desires…
I’m still connected to my loved ones and doing
my part to nurture our relationship…
What does this mean for Change-Makers?
Let’s be real here.
We want to change the world.
In order to do that, we do have to make Sacrifices and negotiate how to spend our precious resources for short bursts of time.
But…
We don’t have to constantly sacrifice our HEALTH or our RELATIONSHIPS by “burning our candle at both ends,” as my gramma would say.
We don’t have to constantly sacrifice our Soul’s integrity by following formulas that use deceptive and disempowering messaging and tactics.
We don’t have to constantly sacrifice our body’s, mind’s, and soul’s needs and desires for sake of the vision or the whole.
In fact, maybe…
If we will start with meeting our own needs and desires…
We will find ourselves brimming with the energy and enthusiasm required to attract and provide our Sacred Offerings to those who rally around our vision and those whose lives are changed because of it.
And now I’d love to hear from you!
What does this concept of Sacrifice and Sacred Offerings
bring up for you?
Is Sacrifice a choice or your default setting?
What might this new paradigm shift for you in
your home and your work?
p.s.
If you are enjoying these paradigm explorations, I would love to invite you to consider joining us for the next 90-Day Quest: Write to Right the World. We just finished the pilot program, and WOW! What an incredible journey to witness as these change agents explored the seven themes that affect how we lead in our homes and workplaces.
Click HERE for more information. 
