When I was in India ministering, my friend and I were in a room together and we were spending time seeking the Lord. She was studying and I was praying and she said, “Listen, I want you to listen to this.” She read a couple of scriptures out of Jacob’s life. Suddenly, I was thrust into travail and I saw what happened that day that Jacob wrestled with the angel.
Here we have a man, who like my friend, has all of this sludge in his heart, but in a brief moment I saw what was in the bottom of his heart and down under that sludge was a heart that wanted God and wanted only God. And the Lord said to me, All of the things that I see in Jacob are of nothing to Me. They are like dust to be blown away in the wind because of the one purity that I see, and that is his love for Me, his desire to have only Me.
And so I saw him, Jacob. The angel that Jacob wrestled with was Michael, the angel that watches over Israel. I saw him wrestle with Michael until he was broken. But do you know what was broken that day? Jacob’s will. I saw him kneel down before Michael, a broken man. His will was finally broken and once his will was broken, he bowed down before Michael and Michael asked, What is your name? Jacob began to share his name when Michael said, “Today, your name is changed. Your name is no longer Jacob, but it is Israel.” And as he said that, he placed a king’s crown on Jacob’s head. That crown stood for a life destined to submission, submission to God in all things.
We think that God looks at our lives, judging us by the things that we do, like coming in and worshipping in the sanctuary, if I worship Him better than someone else worships Him. If I have a nicer voice than someone else does. If I teach, or if I do this or that for God, He is more pleased with me than He is with someone else that may not do all those things, or have the nice voice. Yet, he does not look at any of those things. What pleases Him is a heart willing to submit to Him in the work of the cross and that pleases Him more than anything else we can give Him.
And so He says of David that he had a beautiful continence and in God’s eyes he was goodly to look at. We looked at King David, remember the one who had the affair with Bathsheba? This same man had her husband killed and yet God says, He is a man after My own heart. The reason He said that about him was because, in spite of a pocket of impurity in David, he saw a countenance that was beautiful and in this countenance was a heart that was willing to submit to the cross, a heart that was willing to submit to the disciplines of God.
Now, you see Saul in contrast. Saul was never willing to submit to God’s disciplines, was he? Whenever he began to be disciplined by Samuel, he made every excuse in the world for why he did the things that he did. He never honored God with a heart and a life of submission to the discipline, whereas David was just the opposite. He did some pretty incredible and evil things, yet, when it was time to be disciplined and taught and trained, he was bendable. He was moldable, willing to be disciplined and willing to submit to the Lord in discipline. I like what my friend once said: “Just grab hold of the feet of Jesus.”
I was going through a storm earlier this year in the month of January before we went out to India. When I told my friend we were going to India, he said, “Let me pray for you.” So he prayed, “Lord, bring them there through a storm.” I thought, Now, that is one prayer I could have done without. Warfare is hard enough in India without having someone pray for a storm. But that is exactly what I got.
I had this tremendous storm that ripped across my life. Every day the pain from that storm was so intense that I wondered if I was going to make it through it. My heart hurt so badly and I would sit down and say to the Lord, “The pain is so intense. It feels like I am going to lose my mind because of the pain that is in my heart. So Lord, I am just going to sit here and I am going to submit and I am going to yield myself to the cross.” And I would begin to bow my head, in my heart, in my entire body, in my entire being before the cross.
Within seconds I was lifted up into the realm of the Spirit and there was Jesus, hanging on the cross. When I would see him, I would grab hold of His feet, just like my friend said. I wrapped my arms around the cross and grabbed hold of His feet and wept over His feet. My heart would go deeper and deeper into submission. After a little while, I began to feel oil flow down over my head from out of the crown of thorns that he bore on his head. As this oil began to drip down upon my head, my heart was healed and the pain was removed. I found myself in a deeper place in Him when it was over.
This happened every day throughout the intensity of that storm as I would go through and kneel before him. What He loves is a heart that is willing to submit to Him and His disciplines and His dealings. He sees that as a “goodly countenance.” He sees that as beautiful to look at.
You may make a mistake, but if you are willing to submit to the discipline of the cross, the Lord sees your heart as beautiful, lovely to look at. Furthermore, if you cannot or will not submit to the discipline of the cross, you will never have a deeper place in God. You cannot have a deeper place in God. So God saw in David this deep, deep purity, a love for God’s glory alone. And the Lord is looking for that in His eagles.
Anyone who is part of the Bride, who has paid the price to spend time with the Lord, is brought through a gate. Let’s call it “gate beautiful.” They are brought through this gate and when they reach the other side of the gate, their heart is forever changed. All they desire is His glory alone. They desire to look upon His glory and they desire for Him to be glorified, even if it means much suffering for them. The self-life has been so crucified that they are no longer desiring glory for themselves.
On the way here, I was told that Singaporeans have a deep sense of self-respect, of their name being respected. I know that that’s a characteristic of the Asian race everywhere. But you know, those who have gone through this “gate beautiful” have lost that desire—they have died to that. It no longer matters to them whether or not their name is respected. They are willing to suffer shame and reproach if it means bringing glory to Him.
And so He brings us through this path of developing this inner purity until this stream or deposit of purity so fills the heart that it becomes one with His heart, with His purity. Only the cross will take us there.
To be continued next week…
Nita Johnson
