We could not do what the Lord has commissioned us to do without you. The Father loves America. He does not want to see this Nation burn but wants to see America prosper. There are so many things that the Father has told and shown me face to face, dreams or visions that have not yet come to pass. They are wonderful things, planned from before the beginning, before America ever was. They were in the heart of our God to give this Nation for the peoples of the earth.

God is not a turncoat. He cannot lie. The only reason God would change His mind would be if America sinned so grossly and absolutely refused to repent, work with Him, and do what was needed for Him to accomplish what He wanted to accomplish. Only then would He have no choice but to discipline those people.

It reminds me of Moses on top of the mountain with our Father. He is up there receiving the Ten Commandments, learning God. Those at the bottom of the mountain are practicing idolatry of the worst nature. God wanted to do one thing to bring this holy Nation into a Nation that He chose to make holy to make His Name great on the earth for the sake of His people. That was God’s plan. Man planned that we wanted to get out of Egypt for sure because we were slaves there. We do not like it there. It is hot and miserable. Everybody is mean because they are miserable. To do what the Lord said He would require, they had no heart to do. For that reason, the Lord had to keep putting off His will because man would not cooperate with Him. That is where we stand in America.

If we will cooperate with Him, everything He said He will do, He will do. If we will not, He may have to wait for another generation. But, God's heart burns to bless America for the sake of His Church. With that in mind, let us turn our Bibles please to 2 Samuel 24:24.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your precious Spirit. How that He is with us every moment of every day. He watches over us, and He is always seeking to do that which is good, right, and Your will. That means so much to us. It causes us to feel so safe. Thank You, Father, for Your love. Please help me to share this. I know you have something in mind, and I am not sure exactly what that is. Still, I hope and trust that You will perform Your will as we partake of this together, amen.

Below is a letter I wrote several years ago to my team. I did it in a very meditative state, but for some reason the Lord asked me to share it with you. It is my heart about growing in God. Afterwards, I will elaborate on it.

To give you some background information, I wrote this letter while we were ministering in New Orleans (NOLA). We moved out of one facility and into another. We had to refurbish the first facility because the situation in NOLA at that time, as it turned out, was that you either accepted a sub-standard structure or chose to move into a facility that needed major repair, or the facility was so trashed many times beyond the point of repair that you could not do anything with it.

We had just refurbished the first rented church facility when the Pastor decided that they wanted to go ahead and take possession of it. I think that they liked the work we did to fix it. They were delighted with it, and it allowed them to get their youth working together to rebuild the youth ministry. I did not mind. I do not think anyone on my team-minded, but it did mean we had to move.

We looked around for another venue. A couple of men who worked with us met together with Kim, our realtor, regarding a particular property that Hurricane Katrina utterly trashed. Oh, my goodness, it was in bad shape. It stunk to high heavens, and you could barely tell that it was a building because it had been devastated by Katrina. Walls were knocked down. Interior walls were absolutely spliced, almost to nonexistence. It was really a mess. Still, they felt God wanted to do something beautiful in that building. They came and asked me to go over with them with the realtor and take a look at the building. When I toured the building, my first thoughts were, “I will never rent this building. I will never move our ministry into this building. This building is so bad.”

I told them there is no way that it would be cost effective. It would cost us much more than we could ever gain from it. It was such a mess. We would have to go right down inside the concrete to try and restore this building. It would take months for us to do this while people waited for us to get back into the meeting so that we could move on in the glory of God that began to fall.

They kind of just shook their head in acquiescence, and we started to turn around and walk out. We walked halfway back to the front of the building when the Lord said, “I want you to move into this building. I will take care of the needs of allowing that to happen. This is My will.” Well, that changes everything. Needless to say, we rented it.

This letter I will address comes out of that challenging season when we were trying to do the impossible in tandem with the Lord's will. It was not easy, but we were determined to obey. So, please keep all that in mind as you read.

David once said: I will not give to the Lord what cost me nothing. Those words went through my mind constantly for over a week as I was once again counting the cost of discipleship. I did not know if I was the best person for this job and I did not know if I was the greatest example of one in pursuit of Christ, nor did I know if I was the best leader for this team. In fact, I thought, in all honesty, that I was none of the above. The only thing I did know at this point was that I was there, I was pursuing, and I was the head of the team.

My questions to myself were: Could I? Did I want to? Was I still willing to pay the price? I was feeling very discouraged. I also looked at the Sanctuary we were preparing for the Lord, and I stood amazed. At my request, the man I assigned to evaluate the cost jotted down a few figures and came up with about $30,000.00 in repair costs. With that figure in mind, in mutual agreement among the team members, we moved ahead and undertook the task. The more we got into the work of reconstruction, however, the more we saw how deep the corruption had gone and how much our investment to fix it all would entail. We were now, in some very realistic terms, coming to grips with the need to perhaps spend another $70,000 just for the refurbishing of this new facility.

The Lord knew it all along but did not alert any of us to this monumental task. There was one who was very familiar with the market, who turned out to be very accurate on his figures for the last building, and even he did not foresee until later the greatness of the need nor the challenging cost factor for taking care of the building with which we were confronted. We were only doing what had to be done and doing it as inexpensively as we could. Still, the price tag for such a small ministry was challenging at best.

I could remember looking at this building when I first walked through it. I kept telling our (D) that this was worse than the previous building that we had renovated. The price was going to be higher than the first facility. It was overwhelming to me. I hated this building. He and (F) felt that it would be just the right building and that God would work it all out for us. I wanted to run, but then God came upon me, (D), and our realtor, Kim. I stood still in my tracks because I was at that moment being confronted not with a building but a “calling". The question was no longer, did I want to tackle the building, but now, did I want to pay the price to pursue God?

Over the next couple weeks, the question of why had arisen not a few times. Why this building? Why this time? Why these circumstances? Why all the questions? Because I was counting the cost! For a moment, I hated this building. Then the Lord said it was His future Sanctuary. How could I hate what He loved? I could not, for my pursuit was Him. Therefore, I would love what He loved, and I would dwell where He dwelled if I was counted worthy.

I put everything into the framework of that building; however, the accurate picture was much larger than that building. God once again was using a structure to speak to us about a city and a Nation, albeit, more than that, He was speaking to us about pursuing Him!

The real question was: Was I still in pursuit of God? If so, did I want an easy ride on a fast train into the depths of God, or was I willing to trek the path He had laid out before me to ultimately find Him by traveling through the issues of His heart? If I wanted a free or easy ride, I might as well have left the train because it was not going into the depths of God. Even if I wanted to, I could not give Him what had cost me nothing. That one thing I had settled in my heart—such a sacrifice He would not even pick up off the altar.

The path into God is costly. I cannot pay your price, and you cannot pay mine. Each has his fare to pay. Most will not pay it. Only the noble in heart will search out the true price and pay it in full. I had sought God with a zeal for decades, and I had learned these truths ever so deeply. The reality that I was constantly confronted with was not a trite or glib thing to me. What I speak, I know for certain. You cannot give God what cost you nothing. He will not receive it.

We began the journey like little children, thinking that God was so great and that salvation was such a wonderful gift. Only in time and a little maturity did we come to the first fork in the road where so many turned back, as there was a place where we were called to evaluate the price of true discipleship. We were all at such a place to reevaluate our quest, although I might have been at that crossroads in a greater way than the rest.

I must say if you were called to walk with me, you were called, at that time, to New Orleans with me. I was called there and would only find the place I want in God there! I could not return to California and find my rest in God, as His call was in NOLA. His journey led through the New Orleans experience. That meant I must weep there. I must pray there. I must know the pain and joy there if that was determined to be part of the New Orleans experience. I must spend my faltering energy there. I must spend my money there. I must lose friends there and gain other friends there. I must fight the battles of my faith there. I had to bear the suffering of my family there if suffering was their present lot. I could not go home for a brief vacation until the storms ceased and then returned. I had to enjoy or endure there, as it was there that I must find God.

Do you remember what NOLA looked like after Katrina? It was a chaotic mess. To say no to NOLA was to say no to the deep inner sanctums of God. Why? Because He called me to find Him there. Once again, if you were called to walk with me, the same was true of you! God, in all His infinite wisdom, linked our life’s experiences with our journey into Him. To run from unpleasant places because we had become spiritually lazy (I was mainly speaking to myself) and did not want to go through the pain of learning to endure hardships was to run from the call to go deep in God!

As we dissected this building and dismantled it for the purpose of refurbishing it, we found gross corruption everywhere. It was like a microcosm of NOLA. The expense and energy of rehabilitation was great. Was it too great? I could remember the 2005 storm when I was attempting to reconcile with my dear but disenfranchised friend; I was really pondering whether or not I wanted to re-trek that road. I thought it might be easier just to say I am sorry for my part in the misunderstanding and let the man go his way so I did not have to go through all the suffering of trying to "really heal" the relationship. As I was pondering that, I was watching a certain episode of "Roots" in preparation for our next GOE. I watched the episode wherein they focused on the incredible dynamics of the actual life as a slave. During that episode, the Lord spoke clearly to me and said: They have suffered so much. Can you not suffer a little to bring them liberty? I wept and realized how selfish I was in even thinking of holding back. So, I proceeded, and the rest is history. The relationship was deeply healed.

My precious friend was a crossroads experience for me. I realized now that had I turned from him in my pain, I would have turned from all African Americans in my heart thinking their battle was simply too painful. However, as with him, I made the right decision and kept my heart open, following my quest to know God in His suffering as well as His joys. I deepened in my knowledge of the lofty heart of God through my crossroads experience with Him.

As we dismantled New Orleans in prayer, we found corruption everywhere. The expense in every sphere of doing our part to fix it was great, but was it too great?

This question, this statement, and this decision were being made on a regular basis repeatedly. If we feared the cost at any level and backed away from the aspect of responsibility, we would have fixed our place in God by showing Him that we were unworthy to know Him more deeply. The more we pushed ahead, despite the discomfort with the challenges before us, the more we proved to Him, Who gave us His all, that we were worthy of His intimacy. He promised that in the world, we would know tribulation, but that He had overcome the world, and in Him, we too can overcome the world.

The world’s way is a way of cheap grace. True discipleship is found at the foot of the Cross, which means sacrifice. If the battle or the demands of healing that city were too much, so was the cost of discipleship. For us who were called there, even temporarily, the only way to walk the path of learning God was to do it through the Cross called “New Orleans,” and all that entailed. The minute we said no to any part of it, we would lose a valuable victory in the experience of God. Therefore, my friends, we had to choose whether we would keep our hands on the plow and move forward or turn back.

To have said that to you was to say it to Him. I must end my contemplative battle with a resounding yes, as I have always done. I could not look back or step aside. I must run until I have the victory in my hands. Only then would I know experientially that the price of the sacrifice in holiness cannot compare to the glory of the victory of winning Christ.

In His Love,

Your Friend, Nita

I think right now, many in the Church are being pressed. I think many were not prepared for a lengthy time of disappointment and lack of understanding of the dark clouds. We thought we were going to one place, and somehow, it looked like we might be going to another place. The question I want to ask is, “It may look like that, but is that reality?” Just because we have battles does not mean we are on the wrong path. Just because we do not understand does not mean we are on the wrong path. Just because we are facing dark clouds instead of a sunlit sky does not mean we are going in the wrong direction. Just because we are not every day in every way feeling joy over every victory does not mean we are heading in the wrong direction.

We thought God would take us to the top of the mountain one way, but He chose another way to get us to the top. Only He knows why. The Israelites thought they could quickly get to the land of Israel if they just went one way in one direction to get there. Did it mean they were going in the wrong direction when God led them to the sea? God sometimes takes us in the most challenging way to show His miraculous power and His enviable wisdom.

Sometimes, we think He needs to run with our thoughts, wisdom, intuition, and understanding. But He challenges us to follow Him that we might learn His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, knowing that when we have learned His ways more accurately, we will be stronger, purer, and more noble in our faith and have a greater faith and trust in our Father and Deliverer.

We do not always know why God says the things He says or why He asks and challenges us to do the things that He does. We may never find out if we do not follow Him. The other side of it is that we may even follow Him and still not understand because it is not about us understanding everything He does. It is about us living in loving obedience to our Father.

I remember years ago, Jesus called me to a very lengthy fast. An Angel compellingly visited from Heaven, taken up to Heaven during that fast, and given specific directions for the remainder of the fast and for days and weeks following the fast. When I broke fast, I ended up in the hospital because, for all intents purposes, I had already died. My system had pretty much shut down. The electrolytes that I needed to live were not there. That was the Doctor’s great report; nevertheless, he was a Spirit-filled Christian and decided that because I was a minister, he was going to try to help me survive.

When I came out of the hospital, you would not believe the amount of people who contacted me wanting to know why. If my task really was of God, why did I end up in the hospital? I could not answer them. I did not know why. I knew that fast was of Him. I knew that if He did not want me to continue the fast, He could have told me when the Angel came to speak with me. Instead, the Angel came and told me, specifically, not to break fast until the day appointed.

I knew He was in it, but I did not know why He allowed me to become so ill. I just could not understand myself. How would I be able to help anyone else understand? Many people really misunderstood me at that time. They understood the prophetic call to do what seemed to be the ridiculous.

But the Lord is sure. He does not throw directions out like a boomerang. He is just throwing them in any which direction. If He says to do something, He means it. He has a reason. He did eventually tell me that particular fast was taken the time from beginning to end at the same time when ministers all over this Nation were called to the same kind of fast for the same length of time.

People went through all kinds of things. One Pastor actually went on to be with the Lord at the tail end of her fast. Many of the ministers suffered tremendously to do their fasts. I was not the only one. Somehow the suffering was an essential part of this fast because God was going to use it to stave off war on America. Papers were signed and agreement made for two large superpowers to join together to strike America and war. God used the fast, and we succeeded in our endeavor.

The point is, “Why does God tell us to do things that may cause suffering?” It goes back to the Scripture that I quoted several times. I will not give God anything that costs me nothing! That is such a noble intent. He is worth whatever He asks of us at whatever cost. He knows the cost of doing Kingdom business. He knows that the cost of doing Kingdom business and the price that it will cost us will be more than doing things for the world. This is because the Kingdom that we serve in building is not perishable. It is eternal. It will last forever, and it will be the home of millions upon millions of people who said yes to the eternal call to come into the Kingdom of Christ.

Why does it sometimes take, require, and cost so much? I do not always know. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I do not. All I know is that God is never wrong. If there is a disagreement between us, I am the one who is always wrong because He is never wrong. I know that is settled in my mind and heart. It is not an issue with me. If I do not understand, I do it anyway. Even if I have to drag myself to do it, I will do it, and I will find joy in the process.

What is He trying to say to us? America will prevail. America will prevail because of people just like you. God is asking you to make sacrifices so that His Kingdom can prosper in the earth for your sake and the glory of the Son of God.

He is asking you to do things for Him that will demand sacrifice to do it. He knows it, and He knows that you may not always understand. If you will do it, you will be blessed both here on this earth and when you go home to Heaven. You will be blessed for your obedience. If people around you do not understand, just humbly and politely allow them the privilege not to understand, and you go about doing what you must do to obey your Father.

I tell the Lord from time to time that I do not know if I am the best choice to do what You have me doing. All I know is every time You say, “Will you?” and I say, “Yes,” I end up with more of You and less of me. I end up learning more about You and about myself. I end up with a deeper, purer heart than I had before I began. I end up with greater wisdom, knowledge, and understanding than I have ever had before about the most important aspect of existence, and that is You and Your Kingdom. I do not know that You picked the best choice for it to be easiest for You. I probably make things harder for you. It is not that I want to make it harder, but I know that I probably do.

You are faithful. You are always faithful in helping me through my qualms, misunderstandings, fears, and all the things I am not even supposed to have. This one thing I know more than all the rest, Lord, You are holy. I love Your holiness more than I love to breathe. You are love, and I love drinking at the wells of Your love. I love that you give me the power and the grace to love You in return.

I want to know You more than I know how to express in any language. I know the only way I can do that is to keep following You even when I do not understand. You give me the grace and the power to do it. Nothing is too complicated for You, Lord. Nothing is too difficult for me if I am in Your hand. I know that I am in Your hand. I cannot speak for my daughter, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren, but I love them enough to give my life to them. You know that. It has been tested and tried. They are not just words. When it is all said and done, I cannot make this decision for them any more than they can make my decision for me. You do know that I pray, fast, believe, and trust You to bring them into Your highest purpose in this life because You are good. You are a good God. I know You will do it.

Putting all that aside, I yearn to know You more than anything I know how to say. I long to know You. I fear the deserts. I hate them, but I would trek the world over in any desert I could find if that were the only way I could know you. I know that is not what You called me to, Lord. Whatever it is, even to that, it means nothing if knowing You is my end reward. I long to know You. I long for the pursuit to be blessed as the treasure of both our hearts, and my desire will be granted. I long to know You. If all I need to do is stand here in this one place and wait, and in that, my prayer, heart, and passion will be realized, then that is what I will do because I want to know You.

I am not asking You to do it my way. I want to learn Your way because Your way is always better. You are wiser than I am. You are higher than I am. You are more noble than I am. Your love is purer, greater, and more honorable than mine. I want to learn Your way. I do not want You to have to do it my way.

I will not give you anything that has cost me nothing by Your grace; that will be the motto of my life. For me to live as You, but to die it to is Christ.

I pray for the people, Lord, that their hearts will be so enlarged to love, know, and serve You that they will never ever stop learning so they can have the best in Your precious Name, amen.